she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
