You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
