I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
