I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
