Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
