So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
