Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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