you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
