I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
