Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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