I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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