Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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