dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
