I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize