Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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