yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
