you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
