In America we eat man semen.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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