??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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