you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
