It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
