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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"

  (646): View more from New York

  how do you like your eggs?

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  over tits

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

  Fav 19 7103 1440

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  not the best booty call

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  did she squirt?

  (217): View more from Illinois

  only if tears count

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...

  Fav 0 1319 678

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.

  Fav 0 663 530

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?

  Fav 0 49 11

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• (310): View more from California

  I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.

  Fav 2 23 31

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