i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize