Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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