Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think people are normalizing furries
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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