She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Who died my cat blue again?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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