Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize