i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
