apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My vagina just clenched in fear
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
