we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
