we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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