got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize