i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
