Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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