So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
