It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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