Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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