A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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