i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
