u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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