You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
