i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
FUCK WHALES
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
