I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
