Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
