Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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