he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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