i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
