I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
