you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
