Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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