Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
