I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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