If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
