Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
bring money and cleavage
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You are a genius and a whore.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
