I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We are all done wearing pants today
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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