I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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