Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
