We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize