If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
