I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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