Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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