He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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