I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
