any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How does one acquire holy water?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
