if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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